Script: Over Easy

(An older man and a younger woman enter a diner and sit down at a vacant table.)

CAROL
Thank you so much, Dr. Greisenhaft, for having breakfast with me today. I can't tell you how much this means to me. I've been struggling with this diagnosis for some time now. And I was afraid you wouldn't have time to see me, or that you would have forgotten who I am. It's been such a long time since I was your student, after all.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Yes, yes. Very well. Now, where was I?

CAROL
Oh. Well, you were about to explain your criteria for distinguishing between senile dementia and Alzheimer's. Specifically, distinguishing between Multi-Infarct and Alzheimer's.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh. Yes, of course. Had I started yet? Where was I?

CAROL
You were about to begin, Sir.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh, yes. Yes of course. Now let me see. You wanted to know about the differences between...What was it again?

CAROL
Senile dementia and Alzheimer's. You see, I have a case and it's been very difficult to diagnose. The patient displays symptoms of confusion, forgetfulness, wandering off, and laughing or crying at inappropriate times. It looks like it could be Multi-Infarct Dementia, but it could also be classical Alzheimer's. I've never seen anything like it before. And I do need to make a diagnosis before I can develop a treatment plan. So I was hoping you could help me, since you are an eminent expert in this field.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Hmm. Yes. Well, to begin with...

WAITRESS
What'll it be?

DR. GREISENHAFT
What's that you say?

WAITRESS
I said what'll it be? What do you want to eat?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh, great. I'm starved. Yes, indeed. Let's order, shall we?

CAROL
Yes, let's. By all means, doctor.

WAITRESS
So, what'll it be?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Well, just bring me the special. Without delay.

WAITRESS
Which one?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Which one?

WAITRESS
Yeah, which one. There are two. Up there (points) on the chalkboard. You see?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh. Okay, then. I'll have the top one.

WAITRESS
Good choice. How do you want 'em?

DR. GREISENHAFT
How do I want what?

WAITRESS
Well, your eggs, of course!

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh, my eggs. Well whatever you think is best.

WAITRESS
(sighs) Scrambled, over easy, or sunny side up?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Well whatever I said is fine.

WAITRESS
You haven't said anything. That's the point. (looks at Carol) Can you help me out here?

CAROL
Uh, doctor, the waitress needs to know if you want them scrambled, over easy or sunny side up.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Um, well I like my yolk soft but the white shouldn't be runny. Which one is that?

CAROL
He'll take his eggs over easy and I'll take the omelet. Thank you.

WAITRESS
Yeah. No problem. (leaves)

DR. GREISENHAFT
Was that woman trying to be difficult?

CAROL
No, I don't think so, doctor. No, she was very polite actually, and patient. So, you were saying doctor?

DR. GREISENHAFT
What? Was I saying something?

CAROL
About the differences?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Oh. Yes. The differences. You've got to be alert, you see. Because every case is different, you know. Unique. Totally unique. And as a doctor, you've got to learn to be flexible, and to embrace the unique features of each and every new case. You'll be a better doctor if you can learn to do that.

CAROL
Every case of dementia is unique? But doctor, there are two main types, two broad classifications of dementia...isn't that right?

DR. GREISENHAFT.
Who said anything about dementia?

CAROL
You did, doctor. You were explaining the differences to me. Don't you remember? To help me diagnose my case?

DR. GREISENHAFT.
Not really dear. But I do find that it's awfully hard to think on an empty stomach. Don't you find it that way?

CAROL
Yes, yes I do. I'm sure the food will be here soon. Uh, perhaps we should wait until we've eaten to continue.

DR. GREISENHAFT
Don't be silly, my dear. Let's continue our discussion. What were we talking about?

CAROL
Well, for example, this patient has no idea that he is forgetful. He's completely unaware. So at first I thought it had to be Alzheimer's. But on further examination, not all the signs were there. So that's when I started to wonder if it could be Multi-Infarct Dementia. What do you think, doctor?

DR. GREISENHAFT
Well I was thinking...we've been sitting here for quite a while, and I was wondering when the waitress is going to get here and take our order. I'm starved.

Script: Getting Off

The light at the end of her cigarette glows for an instant and illuminates the tip of her nose.

TONI

How long is this going to take?

ANGELA

I don’t know. You’re not supposed to smoke in the subway you know.

TONI

Whatever.

ANGELA

Just stay close, okay?

TONI

Fucking high heels!
(she grabs her friends arm to keep from falling)

ANGELA

Shit, Toni, you damn near pulled me over.

TONI

Damn. I’m sorry, okay? Wait, I need to hold onto you.

ANGELA

Okay, wait a minute. You’re pulling my coat off my shoulder. Take it easy would you?

TONI

Alright, okay. Don’t get your tits in a knot. I’m just trying not to fall down.

ANGELA

Just hold onto my shoulder.

TONI

Okay. Okay.

ANGELA

That’s better. Where the fuck are we?

TONI

I don’t know. Somewhere in the tunnel. This shit is hard to walk on.

ANGELA

No kidding.

TONI

We should have stayed on the train.

ANGELA

No way.

TONI

Way.

ANGELA

What? Did you happen to notice how it smelled in there?

TONI

I did actually. That’s why I lit a cigarette as soon as we got out.

ANGELA

Fucking stench was overpowering!

TONI

I know. Can you believe how bad human beings smell?

ANGELA

Worse than a dirty fucking diaper. I swear.

TONI

Hey wait. I see a light.

ANGELA

Where? I don’t see anything.

TONI

Down there. Way down there. Don’t you see it?

ANGELA

Oh yeah.

TONI

Looks like a long way.

ANGELA

Shit. This was a really bad idea. We need to get out of this fucking tunnel.

TONI

Yeah right. Just walk toward the light. We go back to the last station and we get out to the street. My Mom’s place is right there, and she’ll give us a lift back to the apartment. We just walk toward the light.

ANGELA

You know what that makes me think of?

TONI

No, what?

ANGELA

They say when people die, they walk through this tunnel toward the light.

TONI

Goddamn it Angie. That is too fucking morbid. Cut it out!

ANGELA

What do you mean? I’m not morbid. Hey, light another cigarette, would you?

TONI

What’s the matter? Afraid of the dark?

ANGELA

Asshole.

TONI

Sorry. That was bad.

ANGELA

Give me one.

TONI

K. Here.

ANGELA

What was that?

TONI

What?

ANGELA

Didn’t you hear that?

TONI

No, what?

ANGELA

That. Listen.
(listens attentively)

TONI

(listens attentively)
Oh that. What is that?

ANGELA

I don’t know.

TONI

What direction is it coming from?

ANGELA

I don’t know. I can’t tell. It’s so fucking dark. Wait.

TONI

Oh shit. There’s something out there.

ANGELA

Shit.

TONI

Keep walking.

ANGELA

Fuck, it’s behind us.

TONI

You think?

ANGELA

I think so.

TONI

Shit, I can’t walk any faster.

ANGELA

Take your shoes off.

TONI

What?

ANGELA

Take your shoes off. We can go faster that way.

TONI

Yuck. No way.

ANGELA

Why not?

TONI

I have nylons on!

ANGELA

Do you hear that?

TONI

Fuck. Alright, alright.

ANGELA

Good. Hurry.

TONI

Shit! I can’t believe this. Okay, they’re off.

ANGELA

Wait a minute. The light, it’s getting closer.

TONI

Yeah, so?

ANGELA

No, I mean it’s getting closer. Fast.

TONI

Really?

ANGELA

No kidding. Look at it.

TONI

Goddamn it.

ANGELA

Oh shit. It’s a train.

TONI

Shit!

ANGELA

Oh God, what do we do?

TONI

Uh…

ANGELA

We have to get off the tracks.

TONI

Oh God.

ANGELA

Oh God.

TONI

Wait. My lighter. Here. What do you see?

ANGELA

I don’t know.

TONI

Look. Over there. There’s a space.

ANGELA

Quick.

TONI

Get in. Quick.

ANGELA

Oh my God, it’s coming.

TONI

Hold me!

ANGELA

Shit.

TONI

Oh, God.

ANGELA

(Screams.)

TONI

(Screams.)

ANGELA

Holy shit.

TONI

Are you alright?

ANGELA

That was weird.

TONI

Damn.

ANGELA

I know.

TONI

(Laughs.)

ANGELA

(Laughs.)

TONI

Well, I’m glad that’s over.

ANGELA

No shit.

TONI

We should have stayed on the fucking train.

ANGELA

You may be right.

TONI

It’s too late now.

ANGELA

What happened to that noise we heard?

TONI

I don’t know.

ANGELA

I can’t hear it anymore.

TONI

No. Me either.

ANGELA

Let’s go.

TONI

Yeah.

ANGELA

I just want to get out of here.

TONI

Me too. Me too.

ANGELA

I think I peed my pants.

TONI

No way.

ANGELA

Way.

TONI

Oh God. That’s harsh.

ANGELA

Just a little.

TONI

Damn.

ANGELA

I know. It’s not too bad.

TONI

My feet are wet.

ANGELA

That’s gross.

TONI

Tell me about it.

ANGELA

Let’s get the fuck out of here.

TONI

This is a fucking nightmare!

ANGELA

I wish!

TONI

Wake me when it’s over.

ANGELA

Right.

TONI

Fucking subway. I hate the fucking subway.

ANGELA

Me too.

TONI

What was that?

ANGELA

Wait. I heard it again.

TONI

What?

ANGELA

You know. That noise.

TONI

Fuck.

ANGELA

What is that?

TONI

It’s probably the goddamn rats. Subway’s full of them.

ANGELA

Oh God. Light your lighter.

TONI

Wait. Here.

ANGELA

I can’t see anything.

TONI

Me either.

ANGELA

We just keep going straight down the tunnel.

TONI

Right.

ANGELA

The next station is right up there.

TONI

Yeah.

ANGELA

We’re almost there.

TONI

Amen.

ANGELA

Oh wow, look over there.

TONI

Stairs!

ANGELA

Yes! I was worried about that.

TONI

Me too.

ANGELA

Hey, girl, we made it.

TONI

Woo Hoo.

ANGELA

We are outta here!

TONI

Shit Angie, my feet!

ANGELA

Pretty bad?

TONI

Black.

ANGELA

Oh.

TONI

Wet.

ANGELA

I’m sorry hon. Just don’t think about it. Here, sit down over here and put your shoes on. But don’t look.

TONI

Ugh.

ANGELA

We’ll be home soon.

TONI

Yeah. And I am gonna strip naked and jump in the shower. And these clothes, I’m gonna burn them.

ANGELA

I know. Me too.

TONI

Well, actually, I think I’ll put them in a big garbage bag and seal it and take it straight out to the dumpster.

ANGELA

Right.

TONI

Right.

ANGELA

Toni?

TONI

Yeah?

ANGELA

Next time the train breaks down?

TONI

Yeah, we stay on it.

ANGELA

And Toni?

TONI

Yeah?

ANGELA

Don’t tell anybody.

TONI

My lips are sealed.

ANGELA

This never happened.

TONI

What?

ANGELA

Right. What?

TONI

Okay. Let’s go home.

Script: School Of Hard Knocks

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
By Roseanne Lasater


A woman gets into her car and closes the door. There is a young stranger in the back seat.


JAMES

Don’t scream

DONNA

What?

JAMES

Don’t scream. Just sit still and listen.

DONNA

What the…who are you? And why are you in my car?

JAMES

Be quiet and listen to me. I’m not going to hurt you.

DONNA

Hurt me? What? You need to get out of my car!

JAMES

Please don’t make me hurt you. I just want to talk to you.

DONNA

Talk to me?!

JAMES

Yeah, talk to you.

DONNA

You want to talk to me?

JAMES

Yes. Talk to you. That’s all.

DONNA

What do you mean, you’re not gonna hurt me? Do you have a weapon? Is this a robbery?

JAMES

No. I don’t want to rob you. No weapon. Nothing like that. Really. Like I said, I just want to talk to you. I’m not gonna hurt you.

DONNA

Then why did you say it?

JAMES

Look lady, you seem like a nice person. I just want to talk.

DONNA

What? Do you always make this much sense? Who the hell are you anyway? And why are you picking on me?

JAMES

Like I said, you seem like a nice person.

DONNA

Based on what? You don’t even know me. Do you?

JAMES

No. But I can tell.

DONNA

Well, you’re wrong.

JAMES

Lady jeez.

DONNA

Now just get out of my car!

JAMES

Look I don’t mean you any harm. I just want to talk.

DONNA

Oh for Christ’s sake.

JAMES

Please?

DONNA

Please. Is that the problem? I didn’t say please? Okay then. Please get out of my car!

JAMES

No.

DONNA

No.

JAMES

Right. No. I just need to talk. And like I said, you look like a nice person.

DONNA

Thank you I think. So what could possibly be on your mind that’s so urgent and important, that you would ambush somebody to listen to you?

JAMES

I just got back from Iraq.

DONNA

Oh?

JAMES

Yeah. Three weeks ago.

DONNA

Okay, so now you’ve got me curious. What happened? You got home and found out your girlfriend didn’t want you back?

JAMES

No, no, it’s nothing like that. Something happened over there, and I can’t talk to anybody about it, and I just have to talk about it. I need to talk about it. But if I don’t get it out, I think I’ll explode!

DONNA

And you don’t have a weapon?

JAMES

No.

DONNA

Okay. So you pick a complete stranger?

JAMES

It’s just a feeling I had about you. As soon as I saw you shopping in the mall, I had this feeling that you could help me. So I followed you out, and when you put your packages in the car and went back inside…you really should lock your car.

DONNA

Boy, you really are desperate.

JAMES

Yes…I am.

DONNA

So why didn’t you go to a chaplain or somebody like that? A counselor maybe? I mean, for Christ’s sake, this is a parking lot at a shopping mall. Come to think of it, why don’t you go to the VA? You need professional help. I’m just an old lady who shops at The Rack. Why me?

JAMES

I don’t know. I guess I’m too ashamed to talk to anybody who knows me. And I don’t know any professionals. I’ve never been to a counselor. And like I said, I had a good feeling about you.

DONNA

Okay, well just keep this good feeling friendly, okay?


JAMES

Don’t worry. Please, just listen to me, okay?

DONNA

Okay. Okay already. I’m listening. Shoot.

JAMES

Okay. Well, it started out we were just fooling around. Just having a little fun. We didn’t mean anybody any harm. But then it all went wrong, in the blink of an eye, it ended up bad. Really bad.

DONNA

Uh huh.

JAMES

Yeah, cause I was a helicopter pilot over there, see? I was part of the ordinance crew that outfits the choppers with armaments. Before they get deployed in the field. We have to make sure everything is in tip top shape and ready to go. So anyway, part of it is to take them out, the helicopters, you know? We had to take them out on a test flight before deployment. It’s really routine, you know. After a while, it got really dull. So we came up with ways to make it more interesting, and have a little fun.

DONNA

Yeah. I get the picture.

JAMES

Yeah. So anyway, we’d be flying out over the desert and there would almost always be refugees, you know, civilians on the roads…just poor people making their way into the city trying to get away from the fighting. They’d always be in groups, in families, with kids and old people, all together, and they’d have these carts of stuff, all their worldly possessions, all tied onto a cart, even furniture, all kinds of stuff. And they’d always be there, walking along like little caravans.

DONNA

Okay. Got it. So what did you do?

JAMES

So just for fun, we’d buzz ‘em. Do you know what that means?

DONNA

Yes, I think I do. But tell me anyway.

JAMES

We’d fly down, you know, real close to the road, just to scare them. I know, it was a sick form of entertainment. Really stupid. But we didn’t mean any harm, really. We were just bored, and we’d get a kick out of watching them duck and scatter and run off the road. They were like chickens in a barnyard when you walk out into them. They scattered like scared chickens, and we, well we would have a laugh about how funny they looked. And that’s all there was to it really.

DONNA

Just some boys having a little fun…with a helicopter.

JAMES

Yeah. And I swear, we were just playing.

DONNA

Right. And then?

JAMES

And then, this one time, there was this old man on the road. And when everybody else scattered and ran off the road, he just stood there. He never moved out of the way. He didn’t even try to get out of the way. He just turned around and looked up at us. He looked right at us. And I even made eye contact with him. And that’s when I knew he wasn’t going to duck.

DONNA

Oh my God.

JAMES

I tried to pull up, but it was too late. I was coming in too low. I tried to correct, and I almost made it, but the edge of the landing gear clipped him in the neck, and…and…and it took his head off. It decapitated him.

DONNA

Oh my God. That’s really horrible.

JAMES

Yeah, it was. It was horrible. And all those other people that were with him, they all came running back up onto the road, and they were screaming and waving their arms around. And there were little kids there, and their mothers trying to block them from seeing. We didn’t know what to do. There was nothing we could do.

DONNA

You already did enough.

JAMES

We just pulled up and went back to base. We didn’t report it, and for a while we were worried those people would turn us in. But they didn’t. We never heard anything about it. But now I can’t sleep. I have no appetite. And I have nightmares about it. I see his face, the way he looked right at me.

DONNA

Get in the front seat. I want to look at you.

JAMES

You do?

DONNA

Yes, I want to look to you. If I’m gonna talk to you about this, I need to see your face.

JAMES

Okay. (gets in front seat)

DONNA

This changed everything for you, didn’t it?

JAMES

Yeah.

DONNA

No more fun and games after that?

JAMES

No. No more fun and games.

DONNA

Look me in the eyes. I want to tell you something. And I want you to listen.

JAMES

Okay.

DONNA

God forgives you. Don’t shake your head. Just listen to me. I listened to you. Now it’s your turn…And I forgive you too, for what it’s worth. But here’s the thing. Can you forgive yourself?

JAMES

I don’t know. But I don’t think so.

DONNA

Look, when the big problems come along and everything’s a great big mess in life, I know something about this. One thing I’ve learned is there’s usually something we need to give up.

JAMES

Give up? I don’t understand.

DONNA

Yes…there’s something you need to give up. I’m not sure what it is. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. But a lot of times it’s an idea we have, sometimes it’s a feeling, or maybe a judgment we’ve made about something, about ourselves or somebody else.

JAMES

Oh.

DONNA

So what could you give up?

JAMES

Well, I’ve already given up thinking I’m a good person. I’ve given up on myself.

DONNA

Ah, but can you give up on judging yourself? Look young man, life threw you a hard lesson. At times like this, you have to learn the lesson so you can move on. So tell me, what have you learned?

JAMES

I killed that old man. I never meant to, but I did.

DONNA

Yes, you did.

JAMES

How can I not judge myself? I did it.

DONNA

Yes you did. And what did you learn? What lesson did that old man teach you?

JAMES

Well, I was so sure he would duck. But he didn’t. So I guess one thing I learned is never to assume anything, especially about other people or what they’re gonna do. I guess he taught me to be more careful, and to look before I act. To think before I act.

DONNA

Then he taught you a lot.

JAMES

But how can I believe this was a lesson? A person died.

DONNA

Yes, that’s true. But all of life is a lesson one way or another. I’ve been here long enough to know that’s true.

JAMES

I don’t think God will forgive me.

DONNA

To forgive is to give something up. And don’t think you know what God will do. Don’t try to read God’s mind. It’s not your job to judge yourself, or anyone else. It’s your job to learn and to forgive. Can you do that? Can you forgive that old man for not ducking?

JAMES

Me? Forgive him?

DONNA

Yes. Forgive him.

JAMES

I just want to beg him to forgive me.

DONNA

Do you think he was a wise old man? I mean, when you looked into his eyes, what did you see?

JAMES

I saw an old man. He looked right at me. He was kind. He wasn’t angry…just surprised to see me.

DONNA

Like me?

JAMES

Yeah, like you. Yeah, I guess so.

DONNA

I feel like you’re expecting something from me that I might not have to give.

JAMES

You listened, and you didn’t throw me out.

DONNA

No I didn’t. Do you feel any better?

JAMES

I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, maybe I do. What did you do to me?

DONNA

I didn’t do anything to you. I just listened. And I think I understood. I tried to understand. What else can one person do for someone else, besides listening and trying to understand?

JAMES

Yeah. I think you did too. Yeah…I was right about you.

DONNA

And you were lucky too. Lucky I didn’t have a handgun in my purse!

JAMES

Wow. How can I ever thank you?

DONNA

You don’t need to thank me, but you’re welcome. Do you really want to thank me?

JAMES

Yeah, I do.

DONNA

Okay. Then here’s what you need to do. First, you’re going to tell me your name and we’re going to be friends.

JAMES

James Gantry. Jamie. And you?

DONNA

Donna. Donna Solomon. So tell me Jamie, are you a civilian now?

JAMES

Not yet, but I will be pretty soon.

DONNA

Okay. When you are, you’re going to go back to Iraq.

JAMES

I am?

DONNA

And clean up your mess.

JAMES

But how do I do that?

DONNA

You tell me.

JAMES

But I don’t even know who they were!

DONNA

Okay, but what do you know?

JAMES

I could never find them, and even if I did, they’d probably want to kill me!

DONNA

If they knew it was you, they might. But they don’t know you either.

JAMES

But there are so many refugees. And they’ve all lost people in this war.

DONNA

Yes, I suppose they have.

JAMES

I could spend the rest of my life helping people over there, and I might never find them. I might never find the right ones.

DONNA

But who’s to say, really, who are the right ones? I mean, Jamie, could you live with that?

How Can You Be So Sure?

MARIE
"How can you be so sure?"
BENNY
"I just know that’s all."
MARIE
"But I mean…"
BENNY
"Really, I’m 100% sure. I did the research."
MARIE
"Yeah but can I trust you?"
BENNY
"Trust me to what?"
MARIE
"To know what you’re talking about."
BENNY
"Oh."
MARIE
"See what I mean?"
BENNY
"Well I just think you’re being very existential about it. It’s not that big a deal."
MARIE
"Existential or not, I’m just saying…"
BENNY
"Well I think it’s safe enough to give it a try."
MARIE
"Oh now it’s safe enough. What happened to 100% sure?"
BENNY
"I thought you wanted to do this?"
MARIE
"I do."
BENNY
"Are you sure? You don’t act like it."
MARIE
"What do you mean? Just because I want to be careful."
BENNY
"Well that’s what I mean. Being so careful about it, it’s just…"
MARIE
"Just what? Not spontaneous?"
BENNY
"Well, no it’s not very spontaneous."
MARIE
"Well I just want to be practical, you know?"
BENNY
"Yes, I do know it. And I’ve been very careful in my preparations for this."
MARIE
"But are you sure?"
BENNY
"I’m 100% sure."
MARIE
"You think so?"
BENNY
"Look, you are just being difficult…and it’s spoiling the moment. I mean, I had so looked forward to this."
MARIE
"Well, I looked forward to it too."
BENNY
"You did?"
MARIE
"Yes, of course I did."
BENNY
"Well, you’d never know it. You’re so…"
MARIE
"I am not."
BENNY
"Yes, you are."
MARIE
"Am not. I’m just trying to keep my head on my shoulders. I don’t want to get carried away."
BENNY
"Carried away where? We’ve been talking about this for days now, and I thought we had our minds made up."
MARIE
"Well, yeah, as far as that goes."
BENNY
"As far as what goes."
MARIE
"Well the basic decision to do this, you know."
BENNY
"Okay then. Where are we right now? Are we going to do it or not?"
MARIE
"We’re going to do it, probably."
BENNY
"Probably. Probably isn’t good enough. I want to do it, damn it. And we’re already here."
MARIE
"And I’m with you in spirit, really I am. It’s just I don’t want to rush in and then be sorry later on."
BENNY
"You actually think something is going to go wrong, don’t you?"
MARIE
"Well, I do want to be prepared for whatever could go wrong, don’t you?"
BENNY
"I am prepared. I’m prepared to handle whatever happens if and when it comes up."
MARIE
"Wow. So you think we can just handle it."
BENNY
"Yes, I think you and I can handle anything that might happen here."
MARIE
"Even if the worst happened?"
BENNY
"Well, yes, but the worst isn’t going to happen."
MARIE
"Oh it isn’t."
BENNY
"No."
MARIE
"No?"
BENNY
"No. Definitely not."
MARIE
"There you go again with the definitely."
BENNY
"Look this is getting us nowhere. Let’s just forget about it. Let’s just leave now."
MARIE
"You don’t mean that."
BENNY
"Damn it."
MARIE
"Well don’t get mad about it."
BENNY
"I’m just frustrated, that’s all."
MARIE
"Well so am I."
BENNY
"What should we do now?"
MARIE
"Maybe we should wait."
BENNY
"What are we waiting for?"
MARIE
"I don’t know. A feeling of certainty."
BENNY
"Well I already have a strong feeling of certainty. I have enough certainty for us both."
MARIE
"So what’s the problem?"
BENNY
"What problem?"
MARIE
"The problem."
BENNY
"I don’t have a problem. You do."
MARIE
"I don’t have a problem."
BENNY
"Well you most certainly do have a problem."
MARIE
"I’m just not as cavalier about this as you are."
BENNY
"Oh now I’m cavalier?"
MARIE
"Well you are more of a risk taker than I am."
BENNY
"I’m telling you, it’s going to be good. Why can’t you just trust me?"
MARIE
"Well, I guess if I just throw caution to the wind…"
BENNY
"You won’t be sorry."
MARIE
"I hope you’re right."
BENNY
"So order already."

Abby and Bert

Two elderly people discuss eating dog food to make ends meet.


Abby: Oh for Christ’s sake!
Bert: What do you mean? I did it didn’t I?
Abby: No you did not do it.
Bert: I ate it! I got it down.
Abby: I said you couldn’t keep it down and you didn’t. You threw up all over my shoes.
Bert: Well, I’m sorry about that. But anyway I did so keep it down for a minute.
Abby: Did not.
Bert: Did.
Abby: Did not. Look at this mess.
Bert: Well what did you expect? It was dog food for Christ sake.
Abby: So? It was chunky chicken stew- practically a gourmet meal.
Bert: Gourmet my ass. It’s dog food. It tasted like dog food.
Abby: How would you know? You didn’t keep it down long enough to taste it.
Bert: I tasted it all right. You should taste it.
Abby: Why should I? It was your idea.
Bert: Well somebody around here has to have an idea. We’re gonna starve otherwise.
Abby: Yeah, I know.
Bert: It was a good idea. Lots of people eat pet food. I read it somewhere.
Abby: Poor people eat pet food.
Bert: I’m telling you, really.
Abby: Really.
Bert: But not this kind.
Abby: You would think when it’s called gourmet chicken stew at least it would be decent.
Bert: Maybe it’s some other brand.
Abby: You think so? You want to try it to find out?
Bert: Just wait a minute and let’s think about this.
Abby: Yeah?
Bert: Yeah, maybe it’s cat food that poor people eat. Maybe tuna. You know, tuna fish. That would be pretty safe.
Abby: Do you think?
Bert: I don’t know, but jeez. Dog food sucks.
Abby: I believe you.
Bert: Really it does.
Abby: I believe you.
Bert: I know.
Abby: Maybe you’re right.
Bert: What am I right about?
Abby: About the tuna fish.
Bert: Oh.
Abby: Want to try some?
Bert: Hell.
Abby: How much money do we have?
Bert: Shit I hate this.
Abby: How much?
Bert: We have a couple of dollars. Some change.
Abby: That’s all we have?
Bert: It’s enough to buy some cat food.
Abby: I’d rather have a donut.
Bert: I know. But a donut has no protein. We need some protein. Make it a few more days until the check comes.
Abby: A few more days.
Bert: Protein.
Abby: I’m hungry, Bert.
Bert: I know, honey.
Abby: Protein?
Bert: Protein.