"Come to the table. It's time to eat."
"In a minute. In a minute."
"Not in a minute. Now. Come now. Come, sit."
"Wait, goddamn it. I want to finish what I'm doing."
"Alright already, so finish."
"Okay then."
"Okay, okay. No problem."
"So what's for dinner anyway?"
"So you're coming?"
"Yes, I'm coming. I'm coming."
"Right now?"
"Right now."
"Good."
"So?"
"So what?"
"What's for dinner?"
"Oh, right. For dinner is a nice pot roast. With potatoes and carrots and warm dinner rolls. Delicious and it will stick to your ribs."
"Sounds good."
"Sounds good? You know it's good."
"So let's eat."
"So sit already."
(sits down)
"Good. I'll bring your dinner."
"Before you do that, I want to ask you a question."
"A question? What's this now?"
"Sit down."
"I have to sit down?"
"Please. Sit down."
(sits) "So, what's all this? I have to sit down?"
"I need to ask you something."
"So ask already. The dinner will get cold waiting."
"Don't worry about the dinner. It will be fine."
"Who's worrying?"
"So listen to me. I need to know something."
"I'm all ears."
"What would you do if I was gone?"
"What? Why would you be gone. Murray, don't scare me like this!"
"It's a hypothetical, a what if..."
"What if? What if you give me a heart attack asking questions like that?"
"Now now. Don't overreact. It's just a question."
"What kind of question is this? Why do you ask me a question like this?"
"Trust me to know when I should ask a question!"
"What's going on, Murray? Is something wrong with you? Are you sick?"
"No no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just want to know what you would do?"
"But why?"
"But answer me, would you please?"
"I wouldn't know what to do if you were gone."
"But if it happened, what would you do?"
"I don't know what I'd do. I'd grieve. Why, Murray, why are you asking me?"
"It's just that..."
"It's just what?"
"It's just that, nothing lasts forever."
"No."
"Nothing, no."
"Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?"
"I'm sure, I'm sure, but who knows about tomorrow?"
"Let me tell you what I know. Dinner is ready and it's going to get cold. That's what I know. I don't know anything about tomorrow, except I bought some chops and fresh green beans and some nice fruit, I'll make a nice fruit salad. You'll be here?"
"I'm planning on it. It's just that you never know."
"No, you never do."
"No."
"So, what brought this on?"
"My hands."
"Your hands? What about your hands?"
"My hands don't work like they used to. They're stiff."
"Sure they are. All your life you worked hard with those hands." (takes his hand in hers)
"They're turning to stone."
"What?"
"To stone. They're turning to stone. I'm turning to stone. Gravity is pulling everything into the ground, and nothing can keep on standing for long. Nothing can stand. Everything grows old and then back into the ground it goes, and over time, well over time, it all turns to stone. You can go and look at the layers on that ridge outside of town. You can see the layer of limestone in between the layers of granite and basalt and sandstone. That layer of limestone, that's made of old bones, sea creatures they were, millions of years ago. And what are they now? Stone. Everything goes back into the ground. And my hands are getting so stiff, I can feel the calcium deposits in the joints. Calcium. That's stone, too. My bones are turning to stone. Oh, never mind, I don't know what I'm talking about sometimes. I just get to noticing how things are changing, and it makes me think, and well, I'm not going to live forever."
"No darling. You're not going to live forever. Neither am I. But we're alive now, right?"
"Right. You're right of course. I don't know what I was worrying about. Don't listen to me."
"I always listen to you. Don't be silly. I'll tell you what, I'll think about it."
"What?"
"I'll think about what I would do if you were gone."
"Well don't think too much. I wouldn't want you to get ideas."
"Ideas? What kind of ideas am I going to get, after all these years?"
"You know what? I like sitting here like this. We don't do this often enough. We should talk like this more often."
"It's been a while since we sat and held hands."
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Short Story: When I Left The Party
When I left the party, it was half past ten, pitch black outside and raining. All I had to wear was a thin short jacket, so I turned the collar up and tucked my purse as far under my arm as I could, and I headed straight for the subway station a couple of blocks away. The lights from business signs and streetlights glared on the wet pavement and every step I took caused a splash of water to wash up around my feet.
Soon enough my shoes were soaking through. Even my ankles were getting wet from splashing water. There didn’t seem to be anywhere to walk around what appeared to be a continuous puddle that covered the entire sidewalk. The only variation was depth. What a change, I thought, from the recent heat wave we’d been having. I walked as quickly as I could while trying to avoid the splashing, but pretty soon there was no point. The water was soaking through my jacket and through my shirt, so that my upper back felt chilled and wet through. My hair was dripping.
I was wondering if I should have stayed at the party. But I had come too far to go back. I was committed. I didn’t see him until it was too late, and he was tapping me on the shoulder.
"Excuse me. Can you tell me how to get to the subway station?" he said.
I jumped back and it took me a second to get hold of myself. He had caught me totally off guard. His blue eyes were clear and kind, his smile disarming. "Oh, yes, I ‘m going there myself."
"Oh, so can I just follow you?"
"Would that be okay?" he asked.
"I guess so."
"I’m not from around these parts, and I got disoriented. I was at this party on Riverside."
"On Riverside? I was at a party on Riverside."
"I was at Ellie’s birthday party. Were you there?"
"I was there. I can’t believe I didn’t see you. Let’s walk."
"Okay, yes. It’s wet out here." He chuckled and his face softened. "Nice weather we’re having."
"Well," I said, "it’s not the best. It’s this way." I led the way down Broadway. "It’s just a few blocks."
"So, are you a friend of Ellie’s?"
"Yes, we went to high school together."
"Oh really? I know her from work."
"Oh you guys work together?" I asked.
"Yes, at Childville."
"Childville? I never heard of that. What is that?"
"Childville is a foster care facility for special children. I’m a counselor there. So is Ellie. She plays with the children. She’s very special."
"Oh. So special children, what does that mean?"
"These children are autistic. They’re very special in their own ways."
"Oh wow. That sounds interesting. Oh here we are." We had arrived at the subway station, and we stopped together on the top step.
The light from the tunnel made the pavement shine where we stood. We started down the stairs and out of the downpour.
"I’ll have to figure this out," he said. "I don’t think this is the way I came. Can you tell me which way the train goes from here?" he asked.
"Well, basically it goes uptown or downtown, and you can connect from there."
"Well I guess I need to go downtown. I’m headed for Brooklyn."
"Oh really? Me too. Where in Brooklyn do you live?"
"I live in Park Slope. Where do you live, if I may ask?"
"I live in Carroll Gardens, on President Street and yes, you may ask," I said. There was something very charming about this Childville counselor with the bright blue eyes and the winning smile. I was glad we were going to be riding together part of the way.
"Do you mind if I ride with you on the subway?"
"Not at all. In fact, I’m glad we’re going the same way," I said.
We deposited our tokens in the turnstile and walked through onto the deserted platform. The northbound train roared into the station on the opposite side of the tracks.
After a moment, it disappeared into the tunnel headed uptown to the Bronx. A handful of people walked to the exit and disappeared, leaving the platform empty. The station was silent, a hollow sound with just a hint of a rumble fading into the distance.
As we stood together on the platform, I was at a loss for words, but acutely aware of how attractive I was finding this man. A realization was dawning in my mind, something unprecedented, something unique. I shook the water from my hair and brushed beads of water from my shoulders. My new friend chuckled.
It occurred to me there is just so much water you can absorb, and I thought maybe I was approaching that limit. My shoes felt soggy, and even in the heat of the subway I felt a chill.
The southbound train finally rumbled into the station, screeching its way around a curve in the tunnel. The doors clanked open and we got on. The train was nearly empty so we had our choice of seats. We sat down side by side. I noticed he carried a spiral bound notebook under his arm. Now he took it out and opened it.
He started to make notes on the page. I couldn’t help wondering what he was writing, but I tried to be discreet and mind my own business. He seemed lost in private thoughts.
After a few minutes, he looked up at me and smiled. "I was just making a few notes," he said, "about the party, the rain, meeting you."
"Are you a writer?" I asked.
"I write poetry, yes. I would have to say I am a writer."
"Really, that is really cool," I said. I was dying to hear something he’d written, but didn’t know how to ask. The moments passed and the subway rumbled. Our elbows rubbed against each other.
"Yesterday when it was summertime out, I wrote a little poem. Would you like to hear it?" he asked.
"Yes, by all means. I’d love to," I said.
He turned a few pages in his book, and then he read,
"I took a walk and ate the sun.
The peach man sold a ripe one.
God it was hot."
"Wow, that’s great," I said. "I really do like that."
"Okay, I will dedicate it to you. What’s your name?" he asked.
"Renee," I said.
"I’m pleased to meet you, Renee," he said. Then he wrote "For Renee" on the page.
He tore it out of his book, folded it and handed it to me.
"You know," he said, "I left the party early because I wasn’t having much fun there. I felt out of place. But now I have to admit something good came from that party after all. I guess I’m trying to say I’m glad to have met you."
"Thank you," I said. "I feel the same way. At first when you walked up to me, I was a little scared. But now I’m glad I left when I did."
"Maybe, dare I say it’s fate?" he said.
He laughed a little nervously.
"Maybe," I said.
"When do you get off?" he asked. "I think you’re first. Am I right?"
"I get off at Carroll Street, before you get to Park Slope."
"May I walk you home?" he asked.
I agreed immediately, and I was wondering at how glad I was that he had offered to prolong our time together. We walked out of the subway together. It was still raining outside. I could feel myself bracing against the chill night air. I was still soaking wet. He put his arm around my shoulder, and it felt good.
A drunk came out of the darkness swaying heavily from side to side and stumbling toward us. His jacket was torn and dirty and his hat was smashed on his head like it was an outgrowth of his matted hair. His pants were stained and torn at the bottoms. His shoes were laceless workboots, hanging open at the tops. As soon as he saw us, he started to reach into his pocket for something. We both instinctively backed away, but he lurched into us as if propelled from behind. I saw the knife in his hand flash in the streetlight.
An instant later I saw it disappear into my new friend’s stomach. For some reason, the first thought that flashed into my mind was that I didn’t know his name. How could I have forgotten to ask his name? The drunk pushed. He fell back onto his knees beside me. Then the drunk reached out and grabbed my purse. I let go of it, trying to give it to him so I could get away from him. I could smell his rancid breath on my face and his shoulder leaned against me as he pulled the purse off my shoulder.
As soon as he had the purse, he stumbled away and disappeared. I got to my knees.
"I won’t leave you," I said. He looked up at me and I could see the color had gone out of his face. He tried to speak but no words came out. He looked down at his hands, and we both saw the blood pooling there on his shirt. "The guy got my cell phone," I said. "We have to call 911." He nodded in the direction of his own jacket pocket and I reached into his pocket and found his cell phone.
While we waited for the paramedics, I helped him get down into a seated position against the subway entrance. The rain just kept coming down and we sat together in a puddle. He leaned against me, and I tried to hold him up as best I could. "What’s your name?" I asked. He didn’t answer, but one of his hands reached out to find mine and he held on. It took an eternity before the medics arrived. As they laid him on a stretcher, he leaned over in my direction. "Rand," he said. I reached over and touched his shoulder.
I climbed into the front seat of the ambulance and told the driver my story on the way to the hospital. "He’s going to be okay I think," he told me. "He’s lost some blood and he’s in shock, but it looks like a shallow wound. Pretty worried for somebody you just met, huh?" "Yeah," I said. I felt a growing awareness that something had changed in my life, a corner had been turned and there was a new chapter starting. This stranger in the back of the ambulance was more important to me than anyone else in my life.
At the hospital, I had to stand in the hallway while he was in emergency, so I made a report of the robbery to a police officer who was on duty there. Apparently, they get a lot of crime reports in the emergency room. He seemed to take it all in stride. I’d been there about an hour when the officer found me again. They had found a purse and wallet lying in a trashcan just a block away from the subway station where we were attacked. The officer presented me with a plastic sack full of soaking wet things.
My wallet and all my cards were still there, as was my checkbook. Only the cash was gone. I confirmed it was my stuff, and the officer told me it was typical for this type of crime. "He should have just asked me for some money," I said. "Would you have given it to him?" the officer asked. "Yes," I said. "I would have. Not all of my money, but I would have given him some cash." "Guess he didn’t know that," the officer said. I thought about that and about all the times I had walked those streets alone.
The doctor came out to talk to me. "Are you related to Mr. Roberts?" "I’m a friend," I said. "Well he’s lucky you were there with him. He lost a lot of blood. But he’ll make a full recovery. He just needs to rest. We’ll keep him here at least overnight. You can see him now." "Thank you" was all I could think of to say. He nodded and walked away. I went into the room where Rand was laying quietly, tubes extending from his arm. His color was a lot better than the last time I had seen him.
"Hey," I said.
"Hi. You didn’t leave."
"I told you I wouldn’t leave you," I said. "So, how do you feel?" I asked.
"A little weak," he answered.
"Understandable," I said. "You just took a hit, as they say."
"I’m sorry I wasn’t much help," he said. "He got your purse, didn’t he?"
"Yeah. He got my purse. Look, I’m just sorry you got hurt. That guy came at us so fast, there was nothing you could have done."
"No I guess not."
"I didn’t know what to do."
"I know."
"I’m really glad you had a cell phone."
"Yeah."
"Thank you for staying with me and calling for help," he said.
"You’re totally welcome. Are you kidding? Of course."
"Guess I’ll walk you home another time."
"Yeah. Is that a promise?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
He got quiet then and closed his eyes, so I sat down in the room. Sleep overtook me like a tidal wave the instant I sat down. I dreamed about swinging in the park as a little kid, and it felt like I was flying. When I woke up, he was sleeping soundly. My watch said 2:00 a.m. The nurse came in to check on Rand.
Even though I didn’t ask her, the nurse brought me a warm blanket and a pillow. I realized she had it right: I wasn’t leaving. The thought of going home alone after what had just happened was too scary. I decided I’d wait until morning to face the world outside again. I laid the contents of my wallet out on the heating unit to dry and curled up in the chair. Some part of me was tied to this man now, this man I hardly knew yet knew so well. Ellie’s party seemed like a scene out of another life.
Soon enough my shoes were soaking through. Even my ankles were getting wet from splashing water. There didn’t seem to be anywhere to walk around what appeared to be a continuous puddle that covered the entire sidewalk. The only variation was depth. What a change, I thought, from the recent heat wave we’d been having. I walked as quickly as I could while trying to avoid the splashing, but pretty soon there was no point. The water was soaking through my jacket and through my shirt, so that my upper back felt chilled and wet through. My hair was dripping.
I was wondering if I should have stayed at the party. But I had come too far to go back. I was committed. I didn’t see him until it was too late, and he was tapping me on the shoulder.
"Excuse me. Can you tell me how to get to the subway station?" he said.
I jumped back and it took me a second to get hold of myself. He had caught me totally off guard. His blue eyes were clear and kind, his smile disarming. "Oh, yes, I ‘m going there myself."
"Oh, so can I just follow you?"
"Would that be okay?" he asked.
"I guess so."
"I’m not from around these parts, and I got disoriented. I was at this party on Riverside."
"On Riverside? I was at a party on Riverside."
"I was at Ellie’s birthday party. Were you there?"
"I was there. I can’t believe I didn’t see you. Let’s walk."
"Okay, yes. It’s wet out here." He chuckled and his face softened. "Nice weather we’re having."
"Well," I said, "it’s not the best. It’s this way." I led the way down Broadway. "It’s just a few blocks."
"So, are you a friend of Ellie’s?"
"Yes, we went to high school together."
"Oh really? I know her from work."
"Oh you guys work together?" I asked.
"Yes, at Childville."
"Childville? I never heard of that. What is that?"
"Childville is a foster care facility for special children. I’m a counselor there. So is Ellie. She plays with the children. She’s very special."
"Oh. So special children, what does that mean?"
"These children are autistic. They’re very special in their own ways."
"Oh wow. That sounds interesting. Oh here we are." We had arrived at the subway station, and we stopped together on the top step.
The light from the tunnel made the pavement shine where we stood. We started down the stairs and out of the downpour.
"I’ll have to figure this out," he said. "I don’t think this is the way I came. Can you tell me which way the train goes from here?" he asked.
"Well, basically it goes uptown or downtown, and you can connect from there."
"Well I guess I need to go downtown. I’m headed for Brooklyn."
"Oh really? Me too. Where in Brooklyn do you live?"
"I live in Park Slope. Where do you live, if I may ask?"
"I live in Carroll Gardens, on President Street and yes, you may ask," I said. There was something very charming about this Childville counselor with the bright blue eyes and the winning smile. I was glad we were going to be riding together part of the way.
"Do you mind if I ride with you on the subway?"
"Not at all. In fact, I’m glad we’re going the same way," I said.
We deposited our tokens in the turnstile and walked through onto the deserted platform. The northbound train roared into the station on the opposite side of the tracks.
After a moment, it disappeared into the tunnel headed uptown to the Bronx. A handful of people walked to the exit and disappeared, leaving the platform empty. The station was silent, a hollow sound with just a hint of a rumble fading into the distance.
As we stood together on the platform, I was at a loss for words, but acutely aware of how attractive I was finding this man. A realization was dawning in my mind, something unprecedented, something unique. I shook the water from my hair and brushed beads of water from my shoulders. My new friend chuckled.
It occurred to me there is just so much water you can absorb, and I thought maybe I was approaching that limit. My shoes felt soggy, and even in the heat of the subway I felt a chill.
The southbound train finally rumbled into the station, screeching its way around a curve in the tunnel. The doors clanked open and we got on. The train was nearly empty so we had our choice of seats. We sat down side by side. I noticed he carried a spiral bound notebook under his arm. Now he took it out and opened it.
He started to make notes on the page. I couldn’t help wondering what he was writing, but I tried to be discreet and mind my own business. He seemed lost in private thoughts.
After a few minutes, he looked up at me and smiled. "I was just making a few notes," he said, "about the party, the rain, meeting you."
"Are you a writer?" I asked.
"I write poetry, yes. I would have to say I am a writer."
"Really, that is really cool," I said. I was dying to hear something he’d written, but didn’t know how to ask. The moments passed and the subway rumbled. Our elbows rubbed against each other.
"Yesterday when it was summertime out, I wrote a little poem. Would you like to hear it?" he asked.
"Yes, by all means. I’d love to," I said.
He turned a few pages in his book, and then he read,
"I took a walk and ate the sun.
The peach man sold a ripe one.
God it was hot."
"Wow, that’s great," I said. "I really do like that."
"Okay, I will dedicate it to you. What’s your name?" he asked.
"Renee," I said.
"I’m pleased to meet you, Renee," he said. Then he wrote "For Renee" on the page.
He tore it out of his book, folded it and handed it to me.
"You know," he said, "I left the party early because I wasn’t having much fun there. I felt out of place. But now I have to admit something good came from that party after all. I guess I’m trying to say I’m glad to have met you."
"Thank you," I said. "I feel the same way. At first when you walked up to me, I was a little scared. But now I’m glad I left when I did."
"Maybe, dare I say it’s fate?" he said.
He laughed a little nervously.
"Maybe," I said.
"When do you get off?" he asked. "I think you’re first. Am I right?"
"I get off at Carroll Street, before you get to Park Slope."
"May I walk you home?" he asked.
I agreed immediately, and I was wondering at how glad I was that he had offered to prolong our time together. We walked out of the subway together. It was still raining outside. I could feel myself bracing against the chill night air. I was still soaking wet. He put his arm around my shoulder, and it felt good.
A drunk came out of the darkness swaying heavily from side to side and stumbling toward us. His jacket was torn and dirty and his hat was smashed on his head like it was an outgrowth of his matted hair. His pants were stained and torn at the bottoms. His shoes were laceless workboots, hanging open at the tops. As soon as he saw us, he started to reach into his pocket for something. We both instinctively backed away, but he lurched into us as if propelled from behind. I saw the knife in his hand flash in the streetlight.
An instant later I saw it disappear into my new friend’s stomach. For some reason, the first thought that flashed into my mind was that I didn’t know his name. How could I have forgotten to ask his name? The drunk pushed. He fell back onto his knees beside me. Then the drunk reached out and grabbed my purse. I let go of it, trying to give it to him so I could get away from him. I could smell his rancid breath on my face and his shoulder leaned against me as he pulled the purse off my shoulder.
As soon as he had the purse, he stumbled away and disappeared. I got to my knees.
"I won’t leave you," I said. He looked up at me and I could see the color had gone out of his face. He tried to speak but no words came out. He looked down at his hands, and we both saw the blood pooling there on his shirt. "The guy got my cell phone," I said. "We have to call 911." He nodded in the direction of his own jacket pocket and I reached into his pocket and found his cell phone.
While we waited for the paramedics, I helped him get down into a seated position against the subway entrance. The rain just kept coming down and we sat together in a puddle. He leaned against me, and I tried to hold him up as best I could. "What’s your name?" I asked. He didn’t answer, but one of his hands reached out to find mine and he held on. It took an eternity before the medics arrived. As they laid him on a stretcher, he leaned over in my direction. "Rand," he said. I reached over and touched his shoulder.
I climbed into the front seat of the ambulance and told the driver my story on the way to the hospital. "He’s going to be okay I think," he told me. "He’s lost some blood and he’s in shock, but it looks like a shallow wound. Pretty worried for somebody you just met, huh?" "Yeah," I said. I felt a growing awareness that something had changed in my life, a corner had been turned and there was a new chapter starting. This stranger in the back of the ambulance was more important to me than anyone else in my life.
At the hospital, I had to stand in the hallway while he was in emergency, so I made a report of the robbery to a police officer who was on duty there. Apparently, they get a lot of crime reports in the emergency room. He seemed to take it all in stride. I’d been there about an hour when the officer found me again. They had found a purse and wallet lying in a trashcan just a block away from the subway station where we were attacked. The officer presented me with a plastic sack full of soaking wet things.
My wallet and all my cards were still there, as was my checkbook. Only the cash was gone. I confirmed it was my stuff, and the officer told me it was typical for this type of crime. "He should have just asked me for some money," I said. "Would you have given it to him?" the officer asked. "Yes," I said. "I would have. Not all of my money, but I would have given him some cash." "Guess he didn’t know that," the officer said. I thought about that and about all the times I had walked those streets alone.
The doctor came out to talk to me. "Are you related to Mr. Roberts?" "I’m a friend," I said. "Well he’s lucky you were there with him. He lost a lot of blood. But he’ll make a full recovery. He just needs to rest. We’ll keep him here at least overnight. You can see him now." "Thank you" was all I could think of to say. He nodded and walked away. I went into the room where Rand was laying quietly, tubes extending from his arm. His color was a lot better than the last time I had seen him.
"Hey," I said.
"Hi. You didn’t leave."
"I told you I wouldn’t leave you," I said. "So, how do you feel?" I asked.
"A little weak," he answered.
"Understandable," I said. "You just took a hit, as they say."
"I’m sorry I wasn’t much help," he said. "He got your purse, didn’t he?"
"Yeah. He got my purse. Look, I’m just sorry you got hurt. That guy came at us so fast, there was nothing you could have done."
"No I guess not."
"I didn’t know what to do."
"I know."
"I’m really glad you had a cell phone."
"Yeah."
"Thank you for staying with me and calling for help," he said.
"You’re totally welcome. Are you kidding? Of course."
"Guess I’ll walk you home another time."
"Yeah. Is that a promise?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
He got quiet then and closed his eyes, so I sat down in the room. Sleep overtook me like a tidal wave the instant I sat down. I dreamed about swinging in the park as a little kid, and it felt like I was flying. When I woke up, he was sleeping soundly. My watch said 2:00 a.m. The nurse came in to check on Rand.
Even though I didn’t ask her, the nurse brought me a warm blanket and a pillow. I realized she had it right: I wasn’t leaving. The thought of going home alone after what had just happened was too scary. I decided I’d wait until morning to face the world outside again. I laid the contents of my wallet out on the heating unit to dry and curled up in the chair. Some part of me was tied to this man now, this man I hardly knew yet knew so well. Ellie’s party seemed like a scene out of another life.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Script: School Of Hard Knocks
SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
By Roseanne Lasater
A woman gets into her car and closes the door. There is a young stranger in the back seat.
JAMES
Don’t scream
DONNA
What?
JAMES
Don’t scream. Just sit still and listen.
DONNA
What the…who are you? And why are you in my car?
JAMES
Be quiet and listen to me. I’m not going to hurt you.
DONNA
Hurt me? What? You need to get out of my car!
JAMES
Please don’t make me hurt you. I just want to talk to you.
DONNA
Talk to me?!
JAMES
Yeah, talk to you.
DONNA
You want to talk to me?
JAMES
Yes. Talk to you. That’s all.
DONNA
What do you mean, you’re not gonna hurt me? Do you have a weapon? Is this a robbery?
JAMES
No. I don’t want to rob you. No weapon. Nothing like that. Really. Like I said, I just want to talk to you. I’m not gonna hurt you.
DONNA
Then why did you say it?
JAMES
Look lady, you seem like a nice person. I just want to talk.
DONNA
What? Do you always make this much sense? Who the hell are you anyway? And why are you picking on me?
JAMES
Like I said, you seem like a nice person.
DONNA
Based on what? You don’t even know me. Do you?
JAMES
No. But I can tell.
DONNA
Well, you’re wrong.
JAMES
Lady jeez.
DONNA
Now just get out of my car!
JAMES
Look I don’t mean you any harm. I just want to talk.
DONNA
Oh for Christ’s sake.
JAMES
Please?
DONNA
Please. Is that the problem? I didn’t say please? Okay then. Please get out of my car!
JAMES
No.
DONNA
No.
JAMES
Right. No. I just need to talk. And like I said, you look like a nice person.
DONNA
Thank you I think. So what could possibly be on your mind that’s so urgent and important, that you would ambush somebody to listen to you?
JAMES
I just got back from Iraq.
DONNA
Oh?
JAMES
Yeah. Three weeks ago.
DONNA
Okay, so now you’ve got me curious. What happened? You got home and found out your girlfriend didn’t want you back?
JAMES
No, no, it’s nothing like that. Something happened over there, and I can’t talk to anybody about it, and I just have to talk about it. I need to talk about it. But if I don’t get it out, I think I’ll explode!
DONNA
And you don’t have a weapon?
JAMES
No.
DONNA
Okay. So you pick a complete stranger?
JAMES
It’s just a feeling I had about you. As soon as I saw you shopping in the mall, I had this feeling that you could help me. So I followed you out, and when you put your packages in the car and went back inside…you really should lock your car.
DONNA
Boy, you really are desperate.
JAMES
Yes…I am.
DONNA
So why didn’t you go to a chaplain or somebody like that? A counselor maybe? I mean, for Christ’s sake, this is a parking lot at a shopping mall. Come to think of it, why don’t you go to the VA? You need professional help. I’m just an old lady who shops at The Rack. Why me?
JAMES
I don’t know. I guess I’m too ashamed to talk to anybody who knows me. And I don’t know any professionals. I’ve never been to a counselor. And like I said, I had a good feeling about you.
DONNA
Okay, well just keep this good feeling friendly, okay?
JAMES
Don’t worry. Please, just listen to me, okay?
DONNA
Okay. Okay already. I’m listening. Shoot.
JAMES
Okay. Well, it started out we were just fooling around. Just having a little fun. We didn’t mean anybody any harm. But then it all went wrong, in the blink of an eye, it ended up bad. Really bad.
DONNA
Uh huh.
JAMES
Yeah, cause I was a helicopter pilot over there, see? I was part of the ordinance crew that outfits the choppers with armaments. Before they get deployed in the field. We have to make sure everything is in tip top shape and ready to go. So anyway, part of it is to take them out, the helicopters, you know? We had to take them out on a test flight before deployment. It’s really routine, you know. After a while, it got really dull. So we came up with ways to make it more interesting, and have a little fun.
DONNA
Yeah. I get the picture.
JAMES
Yeah. So anyway, we’d be flying out over the desert and there would almost always be refugees, you know, civilians on the roads…just poor people making their way into the city trying to get away from the fighting. They’d always be in groups, in families, with kids and old people, all together, and they’d have these carts of stuff, all their worldly possessions, all tied onto a cart, even furniture, all kinds of stuff. And they’d always be there, walking along like little caravans.
DONNA
Okay. Got it. So what did you do?
JAMES
So just for fun, we’d buzz ‘em. Do you know what that means?
DONNA
Yes, I think I do. But tell me anyway.
JAMES
We’d fly down, you know, real close to the road, just to scare them. I know, it was a sick form of entertainment. Really stupid. But we didn’t mean any harm, really. We were just bored, and we’d get a kick out of watching them duck and scatter and run off the road. They were like chickens in a barnyard when you walk out into them. They scattered like scared chickens, and we, well we would have a laugh about how funny they looked. And that’s all there was to it really.
DONNA
Just some boys having a little fun…with a helicopter.
JAMES
Yeah. And I swear, we were just playing.
DONNA
Right. And then?
JAMES
And then, this one time, there was this old man on the road. And when everybody else scattered and ran off the road, he just stood there. He never moved out of the way. He didn’t even try to get out of the way. He just turned around and looked up at us. He looked right at us. And I even made eye contact with him. And that’s when I knew he wasn’t going to duck.
DONNA
Oh my God.
JAMES
I tried to pull up, but it was too late. I was coming in too low. I tried to correct, and I almost made it, but the edge of the landing gear clipped him in the neck, and…and…and it took his head off. It decapitated him.
DONNA
Oh my God. That’s really horrible.
JAMES
Yeah, it was. It was horrible. And all those other people that were with him, they all came running back up onto the road, and they were screaming and waving their arms around. And there were little kids there, and their mothers trying to block them from seeing. We didn’t know what to do. There was nothing we could do.
DONNA
You already did enough.
JAMES
We just pulled up and went back to base. We didn’t report it, and for a while we were worried those people would turn us in. But they didn’t. We never heard anything about it. But now I can’t sleep. I have no appetite. And I have nightmares about it. I see his face, the way he looked right at me.
DONNA
Get in the front seat. I want to look at you.
JAMES
You do?
DONNA
Yes, I want to look to you. If I’m gonna talk to you about this, I need to see your face.
JAMES
Okay. (gets in front seat)
DONNA
This changed everything for you, didn’t it?
JAMES
Yeah.
DONNA
No more fun and games after that?
JAMES
No. No more fun and games.
DONNA
Look me in the eyes. I want to tell you something. And I want you to listen.
JAMES
Okay.
DONNA
God forgives you. Don’t shake your head. Just listen to me. I listened to you. Now it’s your turn…And I forgive you too, for what it’s worth. But here’s the thing. Can you forgive yourself?
JAMES
I don’t know. But I don’t think so.
DONNA
Look, when the big problems come along and everything’s a great big mess in life, I know something about this. One thing I’ve learned is there’s usually something we need to give up.
JAMES
Give up? I don’t understand.
DONNA
Yes…there’s something you need to give up. I’m not sure what it is. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. But a lot of times it’s an idea we have, sometimes it’s a feeling, or maybe a judgment we’ve made about something, about ourselves or somebody else.
JAMES
Oh.
DONNA
So what could you give up?
JAMES
Well, I’ve already given up thinking I’m a good person. I’ve given up on myself.
DONNA
Ah, but can you give up on judging yourself? Look young man, life threw you a hard lesson. At times like this, you have to learn the lesson so you can move on. So tell me, what have you learned?
JAMES
I killed that old man. I never meant to, but I did.
DONNA
Yes, you did.
JAMES
How can I not judge myself? I did it.
DONNA
Yes you did. And what did you learn? What lesson did that old man teach you?
JAMES
Well, I was so sure he would duck. But he didn’t. So I guess one thing I learned is never to assume anything, especially about other people or what they’re gonna do. I guess he taught me to be more careful, and to look before I act. To think before I act.
DONNA
Then he taught you a lot.
JAMES
But how can I believe this was a lesson? A person died.
DONNA
Yes, that’s true. But all of life is a lesson one way or another. I’ve been here long enough to know that’s true.
JAMES
I don’t think God will forgive me.
DONNA
To forgive is to give something up. And don’t think you know what God will do. Don’t try to read God’s mind. It’s not your job to judge yourself, or anyone else. It’s your job to learn and to forgive. Can you do that? Can you forgive that old man for not ducking?
JAMES
Me? Forgive him?
DONNA
Yes. Forgive him.
JAMES
I just want to beg him to forgive me.
DONNA
Do you think he was a wise old man? I mean, when you looked into his eyes, what did you see?
JAMES
I saw an old man. He looked right at me. He was kind. He wasn’t angry…just surprised to see me.
DONNA
Like me?
JAMES
Yeah, like you. Yeah, I guess so.
DONNA
I feel like you’re expecting something from me that I might not have to give.
JAMES
You listened, and you didn’t throw me out.
DONNA
No I didn’t. Do you feel any better?
JAMES
I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, maybe I do. What did you do to me?
DONNA
I didn’t do anything to you. I just listened. And I think I understood. I tried to understand. What else can one person do for someone else, besides listening and trying to understand?
JAMES
Yeah. I think you did too. Yeah…I was right about you.
DONNA
And you were lucky too. Lucky I didn’t have a handgun in my purse!
JAMES
Wow. How can I ever thank you?
DONNA
You don’t need to thank me, but you’re welcome. Do you really want to thank me?
JAMES
Yeah, I do.
DONNA
Okay. Then here’s what you need to do. First, you’re going to tell me your name and we’re going to be friends.
JAMES
James Gantry. Jamie. And you?
DONNA
Donna. Donna Solomon. So tell me Jamie, are you a civilian now?
JAMES
Not yet, but I will be pretty soon.
DONNA
Okay. When you are, you’re going to go back to Iraq.
JAMES
I am?
DONNA
And clean up your mess.
JAMES
But how do I do that?
DONNA
You tell me.
JAMES
But I don’t even know who they were!
DONNA
Okay, but what do you know?
JAMES
I could never find them, and even if I did, they’d probably want to kill me!
DONNA
If they knew it was you, they might. But they don’t know you either.
JAMES
But there are so many refugees. And they’ve all lost people in this war.
DONNA
Yes, I suppose they have.
JAMES
I could spend the rest of my life helping people over there, and I might never find them. I might never find the right ones.
DONNA
But who’s to say, really, who are the right ones? I mean, Jamie, could you live with that?
By Roseanne Lasater
A woman gets into her car and closes the door. There is a young stranger in the back seat.
JAMES
Don’t scream
DONNA
What?
JAMES
Don’t scream. Just sit still and listen.
DONNA
What the…who are you? And why are you in my car?
JAMES
Be quiet and listen to me. I’m not going to hurt you.
DONNA
Hurt me? What? You need to get out of my car!
JAMES
Please don’t make me hurt you. I just want to talk to you.
DONNA
Talk to me?!
JAMES
Yeah, talk to you.
DONNA
You want to talk to me?
JAMES
Yes. Talk to you. That’s all.
DONNA
What do you mean, you’re not gonna hurt me? Do you have a weapon? Is this a robbery?
JAMES
No. I don’t want to rob you. No weapon. Nothing like that. Really. Like I said, I just want to talk to you. I’m not gonna hurt you.
DONNA
Then why did you say it?
JAMES
Look lady, you seem like a nice person. I just want to talk.
DONNA
What? Do you always make this much sense? Who the hell are you anyway? And why are you picking on me?
JAMES
Like I said, you seem like a nice person.
DONNA
Based on what? You don’t even know me. Do you?
JAMES
No. But I can tell.
DONNA
Well, you’re wrong.
JAMES
Lady jeez.
DONNA
Now just get out of my car!
JAMES
Look I don’t mean you any harm. I just want to talk.
DONNA
Oh for Christ’s sake.
JAMES
Please?
DONNA
Please. Is that the problem? I didn’t say please? Okay then. Please get out of my car!
JAMES
No.
DONNA
No.
JAMES
Right. No. I just need to talk. And like I said, you look like a nice person.
DONNA
Thank you I think. So what could possibly be on your mind that’s so urgent and important, that you would ambush somebody to listen to you?
JAMES
I just got back from Iraq.
DONNA
Oh?
JAMES
Yeah. Three weeks ago.
DONNA
Okay, so now you’ve got me curious. What happened? You got home and found out your girlfriend didn’t want you back?
JAMES
No, no, it’s nothing like that. Something happened over there, and I can’t talk to anybody about it, and I just have to talk about it. I need to talk about it. But if I don’t get it out, I think I’ll explode!
DONNA
And you don’t have a weapon?
JAMES
No.
DONNA
Okay. So you pick a complete stranger?
JAMES
It’s just a feeling I had about you. As soon as I saw you shopping in the mall, I had this feeling that you could help me. So I followed you out, and when you put your packages in the car and went back inside…you really should lock your car.
DONNA
Boy, you really are desperate.
JAMES
Yes…I am.
DONNA
So why didn’t you go to a chaplain or somebody like that? A counselor maybe? I mean, for Christ’s sake, this is a parking lot at a shopping mall. Come to think of it, why don’t you go to the VA? You need professional help. I’m just an old lady who shops at The Rack. Why me?
JAMES
I don’t know. I guess I’m too ashamed to talk to anybody who knows me. And I don’t know any professionals. I’ve never been to a counselor. And like I said, I had a good feeling about you.
DONNA
Okay, well just keep this good feeling friendly, okay?
JAMES
Don’t worry. Please, just listen to me, okay?
DONNA
Okay. Okay already. I’m listening. Shoot.
JAMES
Okay. Well, it started out we were just fooling around. Just having a little fun. We didn’t mean anybody any harm. But then it all went wrong, in the blink of an eye, it ended up bad. Really bad.
DONNA
Uh huh.
JAMES
Yeah, cause I was a helicopter pilot over there, see? I was part of the ordinance crew that outfits the choppers with armaments. Before they get deployed in the field. We have to make sure everything is in tip top shape and ready to go. So anyway, part of it is to take them out, the helicopters, you know? We had to take them out on a test flight before deployment. It’s really routine, you know. After a while, it got really dull. So we came up with ways to make it more interesting, and have a little fun.
DONNA
Yeah. I get the picture.
JAMES
Yeah. So anyway, we’d be flying out over the desert and there would almost always be refugees, you know, civilians on the roads…just poor people making their way into the city trying to get away from the fighting. They’d always be in groups, in families, with kids and old people, all together, and they’d have these carts of stuff, all their worldly possessions, all tied onto a cart, even furniture, all kinds of stuff. And they’d always be there, walking along like little caravans.
DONNA
Okay. Got it. So what did you do?
JAMES
So just for fun, we’d buzz ‘em. Do you know what that means?
DONNA
Yes, I think I do. But tell me anyway.
JAMES
We’d fly down, you know, real close to the road, just to scare them. I know, it was a sick form of entertainment. Really stupid. But we didn’t mean any harm, really. We were just bored, and we’d get a kick out of watching them duck and scatter and run off the road. They were like chickens in a barnyard when you walk out into them. They scattered like scared chickens, and we, well we would have a laugh about how funny they looked. And that’s all there was to it really.
DONNA
Just some boys having a little fun…with a helicopter.
JAMES
Yeah. And I swear, we were just playing.
DONNA
Right. And then?
JAMES
And then, this one time, there was this old man on the road. And when everybody else scattered and ran off the road, he just stood there. He never moved out of the way. He didn’t even try to get out of the way. He just turned around and looked up at us. He looked right at us. And I even made eye contact with him. And that’s when I knew he wasn’t going to duck.
DONNA
Oh my God.
JAMES
I tried to pull up, but it was too late. I was coming in too low. I tried to correct, and I almost made it, but the edge of the landing gear clipped him in the neck, and…and…and it took his head off. It decapitated him.
DONNA
Oh my God. That’s really horrible.
JAMES
Yeah, it was. It was horrible. And all those other people that were with him, they all came running back up onto the road, and they were screaming and waving their arms around. And there were little kids there, and their mothers trying to block them from seeing. We didn’t know what to do. There was nothing we could do.
DONNA
You already did enough.
JAMES
We just pulled up and went back to base. We didn’t report it, and for a while we were worried those people would turn us in. But they didn’t. We never heard anything about it. But now I can’t sleep. I have no appetite. And I have nightmares about it. I see his face, the way he looked right at me.
DONNA
Get in the front seat. I want to look at you.
JAMES
You do?
DONNA
Yes, I want to look to you. If I’m gonna talk to you about this, I need to see your face.
JAMES
Okay. (gets in front seat)
DONNA
This changed everything for you, didn’t it?
JAMES
Yeah.
DONNA
No more fun and games after that?
JAMES
No. No more fun and games.
DONNA
Look me in the eyes. I want to tell you something. And I want you to listen.
JAMES
Okay.
DONNA
God forgives you. Don’t shake your head. Just listen to me. I listened to you. Now it’s your turn…And I forgive you too, for what it’s worth. But here’s the thing. Can you forgive yourself?
JAMES
I don’t know. But I don’t think so.
DONNA
Look, when the big problems come along and everything’s a great big mess in life, I know something about this. One thing I’ve learned is there’s usually something we need to give up.
JAMES
Give up? I don’t understand.
DONNA
Yes…there’s something you need to give up. I’m not sure what it is. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. But a lot of times it’s an idea we have, sometimes it’s a feeling, or maybe a judgment we’ve made about something, about ourselves or somebody else.
JAMES
Oh.
DONNA
So what could you give up?
JAMES
Well, I’ve already given up thinking I’m a good person. I’ve given up on myself.
DONNA
Ah, but can you give up on judging yourself? Look young man, life threw you a hard lesson. At times like this, you have to learn the lesson so you can move on. So tell me, what have you learned?
JAMES
I killed that old man. I never meant to, but I did.
DONNA
Yes, you did.
JAMES
How can I not judge myself? I did it.
DONNA
Yes you did. And what did you learn? What lesson did that old man teach you?
JAMES
Well, I was so sure he would duck. But he didn’t. So I guess one thing I learned is never to assume anything, especially about other people or what they’re gonna do. I guess he taught me to be more careful, and to look before I act. To think before I act.
DONNA
Then he taught you a lot.
JAMES
But how can I believe this was a lesson? A person died.
DONNA
Yes, that’s true. But all of life is a lesson one way or another. I’ve been here long enough to know that’s true.
JAMES
I don’t think God will forgive me.
DONNA
To forgive is to give something up. And don’t think you know what God will do. Don’t try to read God’s mind. It’s not your job to judge yourself, or anyone else. It’s your job to learn and to forgive. Can you do that? Can you forgive that old man for not ducking?
JAMES
Me? Forgive him?
DONNA
Yes. Forgive him.
JAMES
I just want to beg him to forgive me.
DONNA
Do you think he was a wise old man? I mean, when you looked into his eyes, what did you see?
JAMES
I saw an old man. He looked right at me. He was kind. He wasn’t angry…just surprised to see me.
DONNA
Like me?
JAMES
Yeah, like you. Yeah, I guess so.
DONNA
I feel like you’re expecting something from me that I might not have to give.
JAMES
You listened, and you didn’t throw me out.
DONNA
No I didn’t. Do you feel any better?
JAMES
I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, maybe I do. What did you do to me?
DONNA
I didn’t do anything to you. I just listened. And I think I understood. I tried to understand. What else can one person do for someone else, besides listening and trying to understand?
JAMES
Yeah. I think you did too. Yeah…I was right about you.
DONNA
And you were lucky too. Lucky I didn’t have a handgun in my purse!
JAMES
Wow. How can I ever thank you?
DONNA
You don’t need to thank me, but you’re welcome. Do you really want to thank me?
JAMES
Yeah, I do.
DONNA
Okay. Then here’s what you need to do. First, you’re going to tell me your name and we’re going to be friends.
JAMES
James Gantry. Jamie. And you?
DONNA
Donna. Donna Solomon. So tell me Jamie, are you a civilian now?
JAMES
Not yet, but I will be pretty soon.
DONNA
Okay. When you are, you’re going to go back to Iraq.
JAMES
I am?
DONNA
And clean up your mess.
JAMES
But how do I do that?
DONNA
You tell me.
JAMES
But I don’t even know who they were!
DONNA
Okay, but what do you know?
JAMES
I could never find them, and even if I did, they’d probably want to kill me!
DONNA
If they knew it was you, they might. But they don’t know you either.
JAMES
But there are so many refugees. And they’ve all lost people in this war.
DONNA
Yes, I suppose they have.
JAMES
I could spend the rest of my life helping people over there, and I might never find them. I might never find the right ones.
DONNA
But who’s to say, really, who are the right ones? I mean, Jamie, could you live with that?
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