Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Box Of Crayons
PAUL
There’s nothing worse than this incessant grayness.
DANNY
Oh yeah. You mean like the clouds are gray? The concrete is gray? The street is dark gray? You mean like that?
PAUL
Yeah, I mean like that.
DANNY
That car over there is light gray…or would you call that silver?
PAUL
What?
DANNY
That car. Is it silver or gray?
PAUL
Umm, it’s silver gray.
DANNY
Like the colors in a big box of crayons, you know?
PAUL
Shades of gray in crayons? What are you talking about? There ain’t no shades of gray in any box of crayons I ever seen!
DANNY
Oh. Sorry… What are you so touchy about anyway? I just meant, you know, like “Yellow Green” and stuff like that.
PAUL
Yeah, well there ain’t no yellow green in this box of crayons, okay?!
DANNY
No. No green at all. No any shade of green. Green’s kind of a Spring color.
PAUL
Yeah, right.
DANNY
Spring and summer.
PAUL
Yeah.
DANNY
Hey, I have a green plant in my apartment!
PAUL
Stop it! You’re not cheering me up.
DANNY
I don’t know, man. It kind of cheers me up. You know? I’m just saying there are shades. Shades of gray and shades of green…doesn’t that cheer you up?
PAUL
No. That does not cheer me up.
DANNY
Well you’re just being difficult. That’s a very reassuring thought.
PAUL
Oh yeah. In what way?
DANNY
Well, in the way…in the way that everything isn’t black and white.
PAUL
I’m not so sure about that.
DANNY
What? You think everything is black or white?
PAUL
In a way, yes.
DANNY
But what about all the different shades of gray?
PAUL
That’s just black and white that are on the way.
DANNY
On the way to what?
PAUL
On the way to being black or white. In transition like.
DANNY
Yeah, but if that was true, then everything would end up either being black or being white. And that’s not how it is. In fact, I think there are more shades of gray than there is black and white.
PAUL
No, no, no. Everything is in transition. Even the black and white.
DANNY
That’s deep.
PAUL
The black fades to gray and the white fades to gray, and then they all fade all the way back again.
DANNY
So the white ends up black and the black ends up white, but only for a while.
PAUL
Something like that, yeah.
DANNY
Wow. That happens all the time in my laundry, man. The white shirts turn gray and the black jeans turn gray, and the underwear turns gray.
PAUL
Alright, alright. I don’t need to know the details.
DANNY
I’m just saying. But I guess it’s not really the same.
PAUL
Oh? How so?
DANNY
Well the laundry. It seems like everything just ends up the same drab shade of gray in the end, and then it stays that way.
PAUL
We’re not talking about laundry, you dummy. Jeez. Sometimes you can be really thick, you know that?
DANNY
Well, you don’t have to be mean about it. And anyway, I am not dumb. I just see things different, that’s all.
PAUL
Yeah, I know. Your whole world is just like a box of crayons. Yours just need to be sharpened, but all the colors are there.
DANNY
Yeah.
PAUL
I wish I could say the same for myself.
DANNY
What do you mean?
PAUL
I think I’m missing a few colors.
DANNY
From your crayon box?
PAUL
Yeah, from my crayon box.
DANNY
Oh, what colors are you missing?
PAUL
Well, right now I’m really missing blue.
DANNY
Oh, I get it! You’re missing blue because the sky is so gray, right? Instead of being blue. Is that what you mean?
PAUL
Yeah. That’s it alright. You’re not so dumb after all.
DANNY
I told you I’m not dumb!
PAUL
That’s what I said.
DANNY
Oh, okay. So what do you want to do now?
PAUL
You know what I wonder?
DANNY
What?
PAUL
I wonder why they call the blues the blues.
DANNY
I know about the blues.
PAUL
Yeah?
DANNY
Yeah. My Mom used to get the blues. All the time. That’s what she said, you know? She said, “Danny I’ve got a bad case of the blues.” And then she’d have another drink.
PAUL
Oh.
DANNY
Yeah. And later I’d put her in bed. So one time, I wanted to see what it was like, you know?
PAUL
Oh you did?
DANNY
Yeah, so after I put her to bed, I had some drinks. Boy did I ever have the blues that night!
PAUL
You think so?
DANNY
It was bad. It was really bad. And there was nobody there to put me in bed.
PAUL
Uh oh. So what happened?
DANNY
So I slept on the floor. The next day Mom was mad because I drank her Scotch. But I told her not to worry, I would never do that again.
PAUL
Oh really?
DANNY
No way. I didn’t want to have the blues like that again.
PAUL
Danny boy, you lead a charmed life.
DANNY
I do? What does that mean?
PAUL
It means you will never ever get the blues again, buddy. Not like me.
DANNY
You mean you don’t have a charmed life?
PAUL
Not even a little bit. Nope. I have a cursed life.
DANNY
Whoa. That sounds like something bad.
PAUL
Yeah, well it’s a double-edged sword.
DANNY
Oh, you mean like cursed on one side and charmed on the other?
PAUL
Ha ha. Very funny.
DANNY
So like the white and the black?
PAUL
What?
DANNY
Like the white and the black. The cursed and the charmed. Fading into each other?
There’s nothing worse than this incessant grayness.
DANNY
Oh yeah. You mean like the clouds are gray? The concrete is gray? The street is dark gray? You mean like that?
PAUL
Yeah, I mean like that.
DANNY
That car over there is light gray…or would you call that silver?
PAUL
What?
DANNY
That car. Is it silver or gray?
PAUL
Umm, it’s silver gray.
DANNY
Like the colors in a big box of crayons, you know?
PAUL
Shades of gray in crayons? What are you talking about? There ain’t no shades of gray in any box of crayons I ever seen!
DANNY
Oh. Sorry… What are you so touchy about anyway? I just meant, you know, like “Yellow Green” and stuff like that.
PAUL
Yeah, well there ain’t no yellow green in this box of crayons, okay?!
DANNY
No. No green at all. No any shade of green. Green’s kind of a Spring color.
PAUL
Yeah, right.
DANNY
Spring and summer.
PAUL
Yeah.
DANNY
Hey, I have a green plant in my apartment!
PAUL
Stop it! You’re not cheering me up.
DANNY
I don’t know, man. It kind of cheers me up. You know? I’m just saying there are shades. Shades of gray and shades of green…doesn’t that cheer you up?
PAUL
No. That does not cheer me up.
DANNY
Well you’re just being difficult. That’s a very reassuring thought.
PAUL
Oh yeah. In what way?
DANNY
Well, in the way…in the way that everything isn’t black and white.
PAUL
I’m not so sure about that.
DANNY
What? You think everything is black or white?
PAUL
In a way, yes.
DANNY
But what about all the different shades of gray?
PAUL
That’s just black and white that are on the way.
DANNY
On the way to what?
PAUL
On the way to being black or white. In transition like.
DANNY
Yeah, but if that was true, then everything would end up either being black or being white. And that’s not how it is. In fact, I think there are more shades of gray than there is black and white.
PAUL
No, no, no. Everything is in transition. Even the black and white.
DANNY
That’s deep.
PAUL
The black fades to gray and the white fades to gray, and then they all fade all the way back again.
DANNY
So the white ends up black and the black ends up white, but only for a while.
PAUL
Something like that, yeah.
DANNY
Wow. That happens all the time in my laundry, man. The white shirts turn gray and the black jeans turn gray, and the underwear turns gray.
PAUL
Alright, alright. I don’t need to know the details.
DANNY
I’m just saying. But I guess it’s not really the same.
PAUL
Oh? How so?
DANNY
Well the laundry. It seems like everything just ends up the same drab shade of gray in the end, and then it stays that way.
PAUL
We’re not talking about laundry, you dummy. Jeez. Sometimes you can be really thick, you know that?
DANNY
Well, you don’t have to be mean about it. And anyway, I am not dumb. I just see things different, that’s all.
PAUL
Yeah, I know. Your whole world is just like a box of crayons. Yours just need to be sharpened, but all the colors are there.
DANNY
Yeah.
PAUL
I wish I could say the same for myself.
DANNY
What do you mean?
PAUL
I think I’m missing a few colors.
DANNY
From your crayon box?
PAUL
Yeah, from my crayon box.
DANNY
Oh, what colors are you missing?
PAUL
Well, right now I’m really missing blue.
DANNY
Oh, I get it! You’re missing blue because the sky is so gray, right? Instead of being blue. Is that what you mean?
PAUL
Yeah. That’s it alright. You’re not so dumb after all.
DANNY
I told you I’m not dumb!
PAUL
That’s what I said.
DANNY
Oh, okay. So what do you want to do now?
PAUL
You know what I wonder?
DANNY
What?
PAUL
I wonder why they call the blues the blues.
DANNY
I know about the blues.
PAUL
Yeah?
DANNY
Yeah. My Mom used to get the blues. All the time. That’s what she said, you know? She said, “Danny I’ve got a bad case of the blues.” And then she’d have another drink.
PAUL
Oh.
DANNY
Yeah. And later I’d put her in bed. So one time, I wanted to see what it was like, you know?
PAUL
Oh you did?
DANNY
Yeah, so after I put her to bed, I had some drinks. Boy did I ever have the blues that night!
PAUL
You think so?
DANNY
It was bad. It was really bad. And there was nobody there to put me in bed.
PAUL
Uh oh. So what happened?
DANNY
So I slept on the floor. The next day Mom was mad because I drank her Scotch. But I told her not to worry, I would never do that again.
PAUL
Oh really?
DANNY
No way. I didn’t want to have the blues like that again.
PAUL
Danny boy, you lead a charmed life.
DANNY
I do? What does that mean?
PAUL
It means you will never ever get the blues again, buddy. Not like me.
DANNY
You mean you don’t have a charmed life?
PAUL
Not even a little bit. Nope. I have a cursed life.
DANNY
Whoa. That sounds like something bad.
PAUL
Yeah, well it’s a double-edged sword.
DANNY
Oh, you mean like cursed on one side and charmed on the other?
PAUL
Ha ha. Very funny.
DANNY
So like the white and the black?
PAUL
What?
DANNY
Like the white and the black. The cursed and the charmed. Fading into each other?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Movies In The Afternoon
MOVIES IN THE AFTERNOON
By Roseanne Lasater
Two people walk together through the park. They stop and sit on a park bench and watch the people walking by.
STEW
Thank God I wasn’t an only child.
SHIRLEY
Why do you say that?
STEW
Well, let’s see. Have you ever been the only person in a movie theater?
SHIRLEY
Um…no, I don’t think so.
STEW
Well, just imagine it.
SHIRLEY
Why would I be alone in a movie theater?
STEW
Okay, so wait. Just try it on, okay?
SHIRLEY
Okay. I’m alone in a movie theater. What movie?
STEW
Wait. Not yet. Just start with the movie theater. Picture this. Outside it’s a sunny afternoon in Spring. It’s almost unbearably bright and cheerful. You’re walking down the street, and you’re noticing that flowers are blooming. Trees are in bloom. Birds are singing. There’s a nice breeze, clouds are rolling by overhead. It’s warm.
SHIRLEY
So, why would I be in a movie theater on a day like that?
STEW
Because, don’t you get it? You’re all alone. All around you there are couples, and people with kids. People together. They’re all talking and laughing. And you’re all alone.
SHIRLEY
Okay. So I people watch?
STEW
No. You were people watching, but it just made you realize how you’re all alone. Get it?
SHIRLEY
So this gorgeous Spring day full of flowers and birds and happy people just depresses me?
STEW
Right.
SHIRLEY
Uh huh. Okay.
STEW
Yeah. It’s all just reminders of your aloneness, your essential aloneness. You’re not alone because you want to be alone, see? You’re alone because you’re an only child.
SHIRLEY
Hmmm.
STEW
Okay, just stay with me here. So, you go into the movie theater. It’s the middle of the afternoon. There’s nobody else in there. You don’t even know what’s playing, you just want to get away from the scene outside.
SHIRLEY
Okay, I go into the movie theater, I buy some popcorn and a soda and I find a seat.
STEW
You have your pick of seats, because the theater is empty. You sit right in the middle, middle row in the center. The best seat in the house.
SHIRLEY
Cool. I put my feet up and take a sip of my soda. Life is good.
STEW
No. Life is not good. There’s nobody else there! Don’t you get it? You’re all alone again.
SHIRLEY
Oh, sorry. Okay, I’m all alone. And then the movie starts, and it’s a……a comedy?
STEW
No. It’s not a comedy. Are you being a smart ass, or what? No. It’s a drama, a drama about a bad marriage. The woman is an alcoholic and the man is a workaholic. They can’t talk to each other at all. They have nothing in common. But they fight. He complains about her drinking and she complains that he’s never home. It’s a verbal bloodbath.
SHIRLEY
Jeez, no wonder nobody else is there.
STEW
What?
SHIRELY
In the theater. Nobody else is there. It’s terrible. Who would want to watch that?
STEW
Right! Now you’re getting it.
SHIRLEY
Getting what?
STEW
You’re getting it. What I’m trying to tell you.
SHIRLEY
Uh, what are you trying to tell me? I’m a little confused.
STEW
Don’t be thick. You’re putting me on.
SHIRLEY
No I’m not.
STEW
Stop. Don’t you see?
That’s what it’s like being an only child. See? It’s like sitting in a dark, empty theater all alone, watching a bad movie.
SHIRLEY
Oh.
STEW
Right. Do you get it now?
SHIRLEY
Can I ask you a question?
STEW
Sure. Shoot.
SHIRLEY
What the hell are you talking about? You’re not an only child!
STEW
That’s what I’m saying.
SHIRLEY
What’s what you’re saying? You haven’t said anything.
STEW
I’m saying…you’re going to make me explain this…I’m saying that I’m glad I’m not an only child.
SHIRLEY
Well why didn’t you just say that?
STEW
I did.
SHIRLEY
You did?
STEW
Yeah.
SHIRLEY
Well, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
STEW
Oh yeah?
SHIRLEY
Yeah.
STEW
And why is that may I ask?
SHIRLEY
Look, I was an only child, and I can tell you it was great! I got totally spoiled by both my parents. I got everything I ever wanted. It was spectacular. And I was glad, let me tell you, that I didn’t have any brothers or sisters that I had to share it with.
STEW
Oh yeah?
SHIRLEY
Yeah. So what are you saying? Are you saying you were glad you had brothers and sisters?
STEW
Hell no. I hated them all.
SHIRLEY
Now, that’s a reason.
STEW
A reason for what?
SHIRLEY
A reason. Don’t you get it? A reason…for going to the movies alone!
By Roseanne Lasater
Two people walk together through the park. They stop and sit on a park bench and watch the people walking by.
STEW
Thank God I wasn’t an only child.
SHIRLEY
Why do you say that?
STEW
Well, let’s see. Have you ever been the only person in a movie theater?
SHIRLEY
Um…no, I don’t think so.
STEW
Well, just imagine it.
SHIRLEY
Why would I be alone in a movie theater?
STEW
Okay, so wait. Just try it on, okay?
SHIRLEY
Okay. I’m alone in a movie theater. What movie?
STEW
Wait. Not yet. Just start with the movie theater. Picture this. Outside it’s a sunny afternoon in Spring. It’s almost unbearably bright and cheerful. You’re walking down the street, and you’re noticing that flowers are blooming. Trees are in bloom. Birds are singing. There’s a nice breeze, clouds are rolling by overhead. It’s warm.
SHIRLEY
So, why would I be in a movie theater on a day like that?
STEW
Because, don’t you get it? You’re all alone. All around you there are couples, and people with kids. People together. They’re all talking and laughing. And you’re all alone.
SHIRLEY
Okay. So I people watch?
STEW
No. You were people watching, but it just made you realize how you’re all alone. Get it?
SHIRLEY
So this gorgeous Spring day full of flowers and birds and happy people just depresses me?
STEW
Right.
SHIRLEY
Uh huh. Okay.
STEW
Yeah. It’s all just reminders of your aloneness, your essential aloneness. You’re not alone because you want to be alone, see? You’re alone because you’re an only child.
SHIRLEY
Hmmm.
STEW
Okay, just stay with me here. So, you go into the movie theater. It’s the middle of the afternoon. There’s nobody else in there. You don’t even know what’s playing, you just want to get away from the scene outside.
SHIRLEY
Okay, I go into the movie theater, I buy some popcorn and a soda and I find a seat.
STEW
You have your pick of seats, because the theater is empty. You sit right in the middle, middle row in the center. The best seat in the house.
SHIRLEY
Cool. I put my feet up and take a sip of my soda. Life is good.
STEW
No. Life is not good. There’s nobody else there! Don’t you get it? You’re all alone again.
SHIRLEY
Oh, sorry. Okay, I’m all alone. And then the movie starts, and it’s a……a comedy?
STEW
No. It’s not a comedy. Are you being a smart ass, or what? No. It’s a drama, a drama about a bad marriage. The woman is an alcoholic and the man is a workaholic. They can’t talk to each other at all. They have nothing in common. But they fight. He complains about her drinking and she complains that he’s never home. It’s a verbal bloodbath.
SHIRLEY
Jeez, no wonder nobody else is there.
STEW
What?
SHIRELY
In the theater. Nobody else is there. It’s terrible. Who would want to watch that?
STEW
Right! Now you’re getting it.
SHIRLEY
Getting what?
STEW
You’re getting it. What I’m trying to tell you.
SHIRLEY
Uh, what are you trying to tell me? I’m a little confused.
STEW
Don’t be thick. You’re putting me on.
SHIRLEY
No I’m not.
STEW
Stop. Don’t you see?
That’s what it’s like being an only child. See? It’s like sitting in a dark, empty theater all alone, watching a bad movie.
SHIRLEY
Oh.
STEW
Right. Do you get it now?
SHIRLEY
Can I ask you a question?
STEW
Sure. Shoot.
SHIRLEY
What the hell are you talking about? You’re not an only child!
STEW
That’s what I’m saying.
SHIRLEY
What’s what you’re saying? You haven’t said anything.
STEW
I’m saying…you’re going to make me explain this…I’m saying that I’m glad I’m not an only child.
SHIRLEY
Well why didn’t you just say that?
STEW
I did.
SHIRLEY
You did?
STEW
Yeah.
SHIRLEY
Well, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
STEW
Oh yeah?
SHIRLEY
Yeah.
STEW
And why is that may I ask?
SHIRLEY
Look, I was an only child, and I can tell you it was great! I got totally spoiled by both my parents. I got everything I ever wanted. It was spectacular. And I was glad, let me tell you, that I didn’t have any brothers or sisters that I had to share it with.
STEW
Oh yeah?
SHIRLEY
Yeah. So what are you saying? Are you saying you were glad you had brothers and sisters?
STEW
Hell no. I hated them all.
SHIRLEY
Now, that’s a reason.
STEW
A reason for what?
SHIRLEY
A reason. Don’t you get it? A reason…for going to the movies alone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
